I mixed the ketchup wit the mustard in one bottle to save time making hotdogs
Its so akward after he cums on my face. like usually the porn just ends
She devotes each year to either men or women. I waited all year for her to be straight, tonights the night.
Somewhere between the 30 minutes of cunnilingus, the improvised song about the Olympics, and the super thoughtful shower beer... I knew I married the right guy
im in the library and there's this guy on a computer just staring at a google image of beer. finals week is rough.
Just saw some dude tumble down the stairs of the bar while leaving...fist pump...and then sprint down the road
Good. Need a drinking partner later. FOR AMERICA!!!
Like an undercooked grilled cheese that got cold again. But hairy.
And there goes my desire for sandwiches. Forever.
I couldn't think of the word "bath" so instead I told him I was marinating in soapy water
"Where are you? Where are my keys? What is this guys name again? Why am I wearing two pairs of your pants?"
I had 2 shots but she spilt one on me. Kinda mad but kinda grateful
She told me having sex was our civic duty. How can I not love her?
Yes but I said "let's get a dog" not a drunk human so some rules will be established this evening
Uh oh. Put down the vodka cancel the clowns and get rid of the donkey
She's like a squirrel. She spazzes out all the time.
Randomize
