I served up a girl her first a2m the other day. You would have been proud.
Umm went to talk to a client ended up seeing his semi erect penis. This is my life.
then she said "on the count of three I think we should apologize to eachother"
When I told my boss I'm using a vacation day for 4/20, he gave me his personal cell phone number and winked at me.
Ah shit... I sleep-ate chocolate pudding again.
Found out that no one else got Christmas bonuses...and you said nothing good could come from sleeping with my boss.
No, I got those cupcakes fair and square. That homeless man should have known not to underestimate the determination of a stoned chem student.
I swear, he has the body awareness of an acid-tripping quadriplegic.
I don't care how drunk you were. Sending me a pic of your dick dressed as Uncle Sam with the caption "I want you" isn't an acceptable pick up line.
Jill you already won the game by finding a dude who will fuck you in flamingo knee socks. Theres no hope for the rest of us
At least I know that however bad my life gets and how low I can feel I'll never feel shitting in a red robin parking lot low
Told him my main goal was to seduce the man and convince him to leave his wife for me. He didn't argue just asked me to let him know if I succeeded so he didn't waste anymore time not sleeping with the secretary at his office. I have an incredible boyfriend.
Drink. Fuck. Waffle House. Repeat.
I looked into this "it's just lunch" matchmaker thing and it was like 5 grand. If I'm gonna spend five grand I'll throw in another three and get new tits and find my own fucking husband.
She's still here. My penis can feel it.
Dude, I think she left with some dude like an hour ago
FOUND HER. I swear this thing is like a metal-detector
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