You are possibly the most enthusiastic, likable bad influence I've ever met.
so high driving around just saw a woman in a pink shirt chillin riding a horse
so high at work that a 35 year old with his kids handed me visine and winked at me. you win with the horse though
you rubbed the head of my dick and said "I shall call you Squishy and you shall be mine and you shall be my Squishy."
he just started chanting dark meat! dark meat! out of no where.
I don't know at least half of his name. I have officially become a statistic.
pretty sure if my vagina had a mouth, it would have been smiling afterwards.
you covered his dog in toothpaste. safe to say hes not gonna call you.
I want to get so drunk, you will need subtitles to understand me. Rough week.
Bring gay.
By that I meant the rum. I just realized that my request made no sense. You always bring gay.
We were walking up the stairs and I asked Dominick what floor the party was on. The cop who had just tried breaking it up was walking down the stairs, drinking a slurpee, and answered, "Third floor."
Do you congratulate someone for having bigger tits, or is that a no no?
I just connected with one of your drug dealers on LinkedIn.
Remember that whole "don't let me drink" thing? We should really start sticking to that.
Probably going to live on vodka sodas and fireball shots
i told him the only way i'd fuck him was if he saved me during the zombie apocolypse and took me to a tastefully decorated yet impenetrable hideout.
Randomize
