I just remember standing in the shower with you eating chips.
I found a digiorno pizza in my washing machine.
MAYDAY. glass in foot, have crush on guy with mullet.life is over.
You know you're hung-over when you're smoking and have the strong urge to eat the cigarette. No more buckets of gin. No. More. Ever.
Ever had someone sing happy birthday to you during sex?
I may, or may not have licked his face in an Applebee's.
On Wednesday I'm putting wine in a water bottle and crashing Margaret thatchers funeral
Did I hit my head yesterday? I have a bump on the back of it. Also I just want you to know that I don't blame you for me taking my bikini top off. If I want to be shirtless no man or woman on this earth can stop me.
I miss using glorious as an adjective. I'm gonna start doing that again. And I'm gonna try to get cuntatrosphe in there some more, too.
just chugging fertility tea and vodka, no big deal.
Honestly I really just want to do you in the mail truck. Thought about it a lot today
Only I could dislocate my ribcage coaching volleyball and still want to get drunk tonight.
woke up this morning to a baggy full of adderall and two redbulls..i'm gonna marry this guy one day
This girls ass literally just fell out of her jeans in front on me on the escalator. Going commando on a Monday morning is a bold move.
I just woke up, dressed as Chris Brown, with a bunless hot dog (presumably from 7/11) in my pocket, wearing a pair of shoes I don't recognize as my own. Help.
Randomize
