if your leaving for the weekend then im farting on your pillow
I just called a child with a Yankees jersey a jerkoff. so much for a friendly day @ the ballpark
My roommate just did the walk of shame in last nights corset back to our room to find her dad there. THATS why i go to school out of state.
i feel like a lion cub that has been breast fed for years, and mom has left, and now i have to learn how to hunt on my own
I just stole a conducting baton from the chicago symphony orchestra... i have to stop drinking on weeknights
Alright fuck it. Alcoholic Jamie is back and here to stay.
I heard that clinking noise from behind me and I already knew you were whipping out a Smirnoff in class. Again.
I just farted a soft, gentle fart and it made me think of the eye puff glaucoma test at the eye dr. I hope that's not fart air they use for those. And yes, I'm texting you from the toilet and yes again, I'm high.
Hey, you can't rush the perfect creeper shot. I need buffer time to hone my skills.
Just used the "Buddy" Poppy flower I got from a veteran to clean my one hitter. "I'm proud to be an American"
Im so glad I make morally wrong decisions. It's like the best worst thing I've ever done.
You said if the geese can walk on the lake so can I.
You started having a threesome right in front of me.
lololol that's what happened?
Stephanie looked me right in the eye while she was going down on you. It made me really uncomfortable.
I'm going to go ahead and refrain from sexting you in an airport that is currently at a "level orange" security threat.
The police officer that arrested me Friday night just bought me a shot
Randomize
