I'm pretty sure God is rooting for me with this two gf thing
He just helps fat girls get exercise. One walk of shame at a time.
At least drunk me was smart enough to stash toilet paper in my bag before I started my walk home. Finally countless squat pees and wiping with grass taught me to be prepared.
SORRY BITCH CAN'T, TAKING SHOTS TO WHITNEY HOUSTON.
They're basically the Kennedys. This is the family I fucked in to. I'm so proud of my vagina as much as it feels shitty for my heart.
TOUCH YOURSELF. DO IT.
I don't think that's how you're supposed to sext
I don't know what I'm more pleased with, the blowie last night or that fact that there's still 20 dollars in my wallet
Boss out of town. Had 2 beers for lunch, a long walk and a bowl...and then in he comes. Blamed obvious intoxication on my pain meds. Back at the bar. This is one of those bad judgement days.
I had a drink called "the white nun." It tasted like Marshmallows, and celibacy.
Oh, cold wet seat on the 48! Are you piss? Are you the sweaty ass leavings of an obese person? Are you the spilled King Cobra from the night before? I do not know! I dare not smell to find out... Pants ruined...
i found waldo and immediately set him to work eating me out. please have more out of season costume parties.
Last night she walked off and disappeared from everyone got home at 330 and said she went to the casino with her cab driver.
Just a couple of adults talking about cum shots at 8am on presidents day
I'm studying. I have a really exciting life lol
It's hard to say that sarcastically after having sex in a movie theater
I woke up with a giant paw print on the side of my face, my jaw hurts, and I have no idea how any of this happened.
Randomize
