I'm putting on too much make up bc I'm stoned
And my dad told him he was a great looking guy. and then added "no homo" after.
Need a ride. Apparently screaming about the bartender's erectile dysfunction gets you kicked out.
Internet sex stories have completely ruined the word sopping for me.
She's licking the seat belt now. Feeling a little uncomfortable
He turned me down because he was still doing his taxes.
I should work for the FBI. Or planned parenthood.
That's quite a broad spectrum. What did you do?
You may want to re-read your sent texts from last night. You were texting me about your "fire shits" spelled 6 different ways between 3 and 5:30 AM.
Just read 119 best sex positions. I wanna try 107 of them. Can I put you down for 50?
There is a midget driving a powered tricycle around town. I am not drunk, stoned, or lying.
So there I was, eye fucking the waiter and I spilled beer all down my boobs
I asked for a cup of water. They gave me tequila. They WANT ME TO DIE
I remember walking into a bathroom stall that had a couple fucking in it and giving them a condom and a thumbs up and then leaving
1. I drank goldschlager 2. I fell in a bathtub and hit my head (hard) on a soap dish. 2. I sat in said bathtub talking to a random stranger on vacation from wyoming (who i met at a 711 looking for taquitos) for almost an hour. 3. We got kicked out of said bathtub by owner of bathtub. 4. We had sex.
It’s awful. They need to open the bars. I’m now trolling grocery stores looking for dick
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