I've come to the conclusion that the only reason I fucked him was because he reminded me of Seth Rogen.
the last three girls i tried to get with all believed in abstinence... i think gods trying to keep me from being a father
i think girls just don't want to fuck you
I won the karaoke contest at the bar last night, when they called my name i was doing blow off the toilet seat, i thought they caught me, i didnt even know there wasa contest
he said i looked like a lion with slutty lingerie on .
I AM SUCH A BETTER PERSON ON DRUGS
I'm wearing your poncho, and only your poncho. I'm not getting pulled over like this.
You're fine
I'm hiding in my chest because my walls smell weird. I'm not fine.
If I get laid dressed as one of the McPoyle twins, I deserve all the medals.
Back. Waiting on Thong the shuttle bus driver. THONG
You went in the back with her.. And honestly I couldn't tell her neck from her tits man..
The multiple male orgasm is a real thing. I've seen it. I've caused it. I called him a unicorn.
My mom is selling her car. I'm secretly relieved I won't ever have to tell her about that time you puked in it
Well she just asked a sorority girl if she should fuck her floor mate so it's basically like the blind leading the blind
I saved a note for myself but all it said was "am I a slutty Holden Caulfield?"
I don't know where you went, but if you're anywhere near the liquor, pour me another drink
Randomize
