woke up 7 floors down in the lobby...i my underwear. New high or new low?
New experience?
I just wanted to yell " i am not a shake weight!!"
We're sending your burrito through the mail slot.
At the airport and im So hungover. Think anyone will help if I put a note on me reading "flying to Boston, please wake me as we board" and then passing back out?
Maybe we could get a groupon for vasectomy. I'm game.
So I stappled myself into my toga... that should be interesting getting out of later tonight...
just got home to find my brothers naked on the floor covered in chocolate. i am now nervous about sleeping in the same room as them
Are you planning on wandering into construction sites drunk and falling down 6' holes?
probably
Broke my ankle and blacked out on my scooter last night. 'Twas grand.
I just ate the lyft drivers bacon cheeseburger. Well fuck me this night escalated quickly.
You know how it is. Tell me not to do somebody and suddenly I wanna.
It took me longer to jump start my car and get to his house than the fucking actually took.....
We need to get walkie talkies for when we're drunk so if we are at different parties or lost we can talk
I'm stuck on a cliff. I'm not sure how I got here or how to get down. Please send help. And clothes.
I love you so much and not just because your dick is perfect
Randomize
