my roommate just caught me washing a dildo in the sink.
he climbed up to our party on the 2nd floor balcony and then pulled a glass mug and a beer from his knapsack. these freshmen are intense
About to fuck some random fraternity guy I met at a party. I guess this would be the right time to say I don't want to be with you anymore.
Want to get together for a boner voyage before you leave?
I'm setting a 12:15 alarm for a taco bell run. Be awake or never wake up again.
yeah people on the adjacent balcony, Im naked drinking outside in 0 degree weather at 1pm. got a problem?
15 year-old stoners have those problems. we're college students dude. dont be like that...
Did you ask me to bring you a t-shirt to class or did I just dream that?
No, I did. It's a long story.
Well his arms broken so they only cuffed his good wrist to his belt. That's how he cast smacked me in custody.
I just realized that in 3 weeks it becomes sad if I make everything into a drinking game. Fuck growing up
Last night was so embarrassing. I got like almost blackout drunk and threw up in my hand and then blamed it on someone else.
also i don't know what you guys ate last night but he broke the toilet
Concept: I never actually flirt with anyone, I'm just a bitch and some people find it endearing
we had sex in his office so i figured it was appropriate to like his company's page on facebook
I just saw a woman give her infant whiskey tits. About ten minutes ago she was doing shots, and now she's breast feeding. Whiskey. Tits.
Randomize