So I was throwing up in this fancy toilet at a party last night, when he decided it would be funny to flush it. It was a beday. I had to walk out with toilet water and regurgitated rumpleminze all over my face and shirt.
i saw his dick when we were four, so thats kind of ruined for me now
You drunk invited us to do an intervention for you.
This would be a good time for the don't get drunk and bang a married chick pep talk...
no one could get around him on the stairs cause he surrounded himself with all the empties he could find, he said he was building a fort. then he passed out on them.
told our landlord the hole in the wall was from your head during drunk sex..
how did he take it?
not as well as i would have thought
The cops walked in and cracked up bec he was passed out on the couch in a pink tutu.
apparently putting your t-shirt on your head with a bottle of captain and telling girls your the pirate king of tallahassee doesn't work
Apparently after I threw up I put my socks in the toilet......
We were watching sports center while I blew him so we could see the football highlights. I missed fall
I wore a bathing suit downtown so I didn't have to put on underwear, I obviously don't have my shit together
He's ready to settle down, whereas I'm like "More shots please"
How are you supposed to wish the guy you send nudes to good luck for the first day of his new job??
He hit me with his bagpipe
Isnt that against the lesbian handbook?
You fell asleep while I was sucking your dick
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