you got in your car and made the sounds of a NASCAR, then called me on your phone and I was your pit crew. then you apparently you won the race, and THAT'S when you tried to backflip off the top of your car.
I wish i could go to google and type in drug dealers and it would bring up a number, a product and direction
bro i finally banged her last night on our basement couch
I'm at this frat party right now and yelled "my little 16 year old brother finally lost his virginity." They gave you a standing ovation
My niece just called my sister in law a teabagger. I love NPR and it's corrupting influence on small children
You threw up on yourself, then proceeded to tell us "to not make a mess in your car"
Why the fuck did you text me at 4 in the morning telling me not to have sex with the bird?
He managed to scream "cowabunga bitch" before he went down on me. Let me know if you still like him.
Hey Im running from the cops. hiding in a bush. when you're approaching the intersection honk the horn twice and I will come out.
I just used FaceTime as a look out while I got a blowjob in the library
You are a booty call, not a friend.
I'm concerned that this blind man on the bus has a boner right now
Some kid just popped open a giant PBR and walked into his final...
Before you started puking your brains out, you took a moment to give me the correct order of the Harry potter series
Well just saw that professor I hooked up with on campus and I look like a dumpster baby
He answered the door stark naked. When I called him on it he shrugged and said 'casual Friday ' Some boys can't be trusted to work from home.
Randomize
