I bet he comes in French.
Just passed a sign for an "adult food and fuel superstore". Wtf does that even mean?
im not sure but a few things come to mind which just makes me giggle
Guys should not giggle. Ever.
Why do my orgasm prompt her to begin using babytalk EVERYTIME?!
Apparently it costs $70 to clean vomit off the side of our apartment building.
Do you think the Slutcracker will use the original score? I'll be so sad if they don't.
Were not alcoholics, were just impatient for fridays
Second night back. Go to house party and played ring of fire. Me plus five other people completely naked. College wins.. It's going to be a long semester
I think you are the only one slutty enough and evil enough for the job. Just go in and blue ball him. He broke my nose in Middle school. He deserves this.
Hey ER girl, its the EMT you beat at blowjobs shots last night.
That is the scariest sentence I have ever read.
I'd feel bad about being drunk at the Christmas service, except for the fact that I've already had sex in this church, so this is just small change.
Reasons I shouldn't drink... My twitter drafts keep getting more and more emotional.
He's got the most well kempt beard I've ever seen and I need it between my thighs is basically what I'm saying
Apparently I handcuffed myself to the dishwasher...
Sorry for face licking, I probably won't do it again.
Also, I love cats. I sat on the floor and they sat with me.
Im sober enough to understand what people are saying but drunk enough to understand its hilarious
Randomize
