I'm going to jail i love you
We saw a kid playing in poison ivy. We walked away, he'll learn his lesson.
What is wrong with this kid? He'll take ecstasy but won't take dayquil?
You're just telling me nice things because you came in my eye.
I think I wrote "thanks for the free alcohol!!!" in their wedding guest book and I'm almost positive I signed my name
Here's a tip. Don't party with someone that needs sexual attention. Drinking and sexual attention don't mesh well in the morning. Especially over a bowl of Cheerios.
I just want to let you know how hung over I am today and I fucked a girl in a kangaroo costume last night.
And we just chatted casually as i peed on the floor and she peed in the toilet
We've started traveling with Michael and Patrick so we can pretend we're two legit straight couples.
A charade that fell apart the second another couple on the cruse found Sarah face down in my box on an observation deck.
Omg one side of my Labia is asleep. Has that ever happened to you?
And now whenever I see a documentary about dolphins, I think about sex, which is super weird
Dude my pants were only on for 20 minutes after she got there.
That's 30 minutes too many.
My mom just drunk texted me complaining about her genitals smelling like Taco Bell. I really am her son
I just kept hitting the drum to get thru the crowd to the bar. Surprisingly it worked
woke up to my little sister's best-friend's boyfriend in my bed, but how's your saturday going?
Randomize
