just saw a guy throwing up in the urinal at Dennys. Either he had one hell of last night or we are going to eat somewhere else
I ishhh haha are u coming nack easyer?
the fact that I know you're asking me if I'm coming home for easter makes me believe I speak fluent vodka.
I know i should have focused more on what you were saying in the text rather than the fact you spelt "suicidal" wrong
Fuck. I just got my nipple tweaked by a plus size drag queen in a purple dress. I feel like I got molested by Grimace.
Didn't get to fuck her. Had to leave abruptly through window. Explain later.
Dude that bathroom stall was not tall enough to be doing lines in, guys kept peeking over and giving us high fives
he's speaking broken english and calling me isaac.. this is not the australian i ordered for a one nighter
My liver is begging me not to go, but sadly enough for him my feet and hands control me getting there.
3-9 out of 10... Depends on the situation. Taco Bell is more of an idea than a restaurant.
How stoned are you?
Like I respect him so much I would suck his dick
In a very non respectful way
Soooo I think my neighbor just saw me masturbating on my porch
Btw I did not technically have a dick in me but I was naked in bed with a man during the last finals game so that is why the Warriors won
I think you might be the first man ever to describe getting a blowjob as "neat"
Remember when I puked into a mesh garbage can in the middle of a meeting and told the clients it was "morning sickness"?
hahah yep
Well the are flying back here, it's been like 10 months, should I frame fake baby pics in my office?? Or too much?
she referred to her cum as “pussy butter” so needless to say we had a good night
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