They were actually really boring considering how we met them.
howd you meet them?
They got shit-faced and decided to take a train to a city none of them had ever been to. We found them wandering the ghetto, with a bottle of gin and singing Disney songs.
No it's cool, He's been doing my English papers in exchange for lap dances since the eleventh grade. We're very professional.
We've completely outdone ourselves. We packaged a collective total of six grams of pot and salvia into little bowl-sized tinfoil capsules. It's totally impossible to tell which is which without comparing, every Friday from now on we pick one out and see what the fuck happens
I'm at the bar alone. Is this how you feel?
I'm glad I get the same reaction from you for cookies and for my naked body
I just got my hands on some dry ice. How do you feel about coming home to a mystical wizard toilet?
You passed out with your mouth on the faucet, straddling the keg, with your arms wrapped around it
Want to run by the liquor store later? Tequila Youn should really be in attendance at Party Mountain. No one else could be our spirit animal.
I just shit a hot coal. Pretty sure it's that fireball shot from yesterday.
I just found out who gave her jelly shots. You owe me a new mattress.
yea plus he's gonna be wearing his gumby costume so that'll take a lot of pressure off too
WHAT IS MY LIFE THAT THE ONLY PERSON INTERESTED IN FUCKING ME IS MY 6TH GRADE MATH TEACHER
I woke up this morning next to my computer with Google search results for "how to put out a fire."
I'm very scared to turn around.
Emergency. I brought a boy home and we fell asleep, but I just woke up to him peeing against my bedroom wall. So I brought him to the bathroom but he fell over and he's sleeping in the tub. Can I leave him there? Because that's what I've done.
Better the hardwood than the carpet, right?
At a bar in the city and the whole place starting singing “Happy Birthday” to someone. Everyone but me. The person next to me leaned over and said, “Why didn’t you sing along?!?” I responded, “I don’t know him. I don’t give a shit if he has a happy birthday.”
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