I'm twenty-five. I'm too old to be watching my friend throw up in Chipolte Parking lot.
Call me back. I want to hear your side of the dead cat in my garage story.
words cant express how excited I am to make January 1st our own personal version of The Hangover
Apparently faking a threesome isn't as much fun as you'd think
Thank God for cruise control and the Starbucks cup I had to puke in.
my mom was in labor with me for 32 hours, it's only fair to start drinking now.
Math equation of the day: 4 waffles + 1 bowl of weed = 1 terrific nap
They were so big her bra clasped in the front. Didn't even know those existed.
This late night dumpster diving sesh is making my quads cramp up
Our DD has become famous. Strippers are asking to be handcuffed to him.
I feel like it went downhill once I decided we should take $100 tequila shots.. oops lol
Whats a little naked between friends. Just don't laugh or I'll be scared for life.
There are some people who should not be trusted with a cell phone while drunk. You know your one of them when you call the cops on your own party.
She was shaving her legs in the neighbors pool when we found her.
Where'd she get the razor?
Not the point.
First day of school is awesome. I get to meet my students and figure out which of their mothers I’ I’m going to bang
Randomize
