She was not exactly lady-like. Down there.
last night i told the bartender i only have 3 days left to live so i wouldnt have to pay for drinks
this morning i woke up with a nothing but a pair of what i believe are fairy wings on - and the bartender in my bed
he thinks ill be dead by monday and still came home w me.. WTF?
messed up. what color are the wings?
My brain says no but my pants say off.
Apparently last night I sat at the bar with an upside down sharpie lightning bolt on my forehead, yelling "It's Harry Potter's birthday! Let me be on the qudditch team!" And I kept calling the bartender Dobby. There are videos.
I got fingered by sexual harassment panda last night, by a van, I can't remember if he took off his furry panda hands...
he told me that if i wanted to smoke he could make a piece out of my shoe. were keeking this kid around
Sunburnt clitoris. How do I deal with it.
She rolled over this morning and asked "did you refer to my vagina as splash mountain last night? "
He managed to get his pants on, so the cop just sat there facing us with his lights shining in the car. I made shadow puppets.
I have Retrograde Ejaculation as a side effect from one of my meds. Is this a respectable form of birth control?
The to do list extremely baked self wrote for me last night says "1. Join gym 2. Passport? 3. Join a gym" And then just a drawing of a squid
I feel like he better crank it up to level RG IV tomorrow. It's the fucking playoffs.
You started crawling towards a moving train. Maybe you should take it easy next time
You tried to steal my pants at 3am saying they were yours and somebody was gonna die, not cool dude
They tried to get you to drink water and all you kept shouting was, "NO MORE LIQUIDS OF *ANY* KIND."
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