at some point to night u and I have a 'meeting' too...(1-737): I hope so
is her vagina suppost to smell like dirty taco bell?
I wish they made helmets for livers.
im already regretting the extreme lack of break up sex that took place
Need toilet paper. Napkins suck. Slowly running out of those two and the bleeding hasn't stopped. Your cat is next
I have no idea how I got home or why I am naked but I assume I owe you a thank you...
My asshole is basically a geyser at this point. Minus the excitement. Plus blood.
I am drunk at 8am listening to Cyndi Lauper and dressed up in a penguin suit
I'm kind of upset that he wanted to have sex instead of watch Harry Potter. I mean it's Harry fucking potter.
At least he's enough of a gentleman to not make me do the walk of shame dressed as Santa.
My roommate just yelled at me for coughing. I'd like to yell at her for doing lines off our counter last night.
I got off F O U R times, just because he wanted to hear me moan. He is my hero.
He has a syndrome called asshole. And it flares up 24/7.
How do I stop your cat from bathing me? I'm afraid she'll get drunk off my sweat
I don't know how I managed to chip the inside of my tooth w/ a turkey and cheeto sandwich, but I think that's what happened.
I'm sorry, a turkey and WHAT sandwich?!?!
Randomize
