I found my crush's facebook page. And his wife's. Apparently they are still in love. Of all the people to have happy marriages! Fuck, I'm depressed.
I just saw a girl make a shank with the underwire in her bra...
Yeah, all the sudden I heard a loud "ding" and realized I had been passed out on the dorm elevator for about an hour....
OH MY GOD. JESUS STRIPPER. THERE IS A JESUS STRIPPER HERE. A STRIPPER DRESSED AS JESUS.
we decided to do a scavenge hunt for ourself for when we walked back to our apartments. We hid taco bell behind some bushes. I think they are still good.
i was wearing footie pjs. how could there be confusion as to who i hooked up with, thats not something you forget
It's getting increasingly easier to use his emotional instability to my advantage. That's about all he has going for him right now.
there COULD be a gas leak in our house... proceeding to smoke with extreme caution...
I inhaled my own vomit, how was your night?
I declared today 'Have a Bloody Mary Naked Day'. Why? Because I'm hungover, thirsty & don't want to bother putting on clothes.
Most of my life can be described like an HBO prison drama.
So yeah, my old kindergarten teacher just asked me who gave me the hickies on me neck.
I came back from England with a face tattoo and the only thing anyone can talk about is my beard.
WHERE THE FUCK IS MY ARM DO YOU HAVE ANY IDEA HOW DIFFICULT IS IS TO TYPE WITH ONE HAND
You don't make any sense
TEQUILA
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