I wish your couch was made out of beer. I would drink like half of it.
she's like "i'm so proud of u" ... and then i threw up on myself
seagrams + popov + pineapple + milk. there, ur search for worlds worst drink is over. you're welcome
My farts smell like St. Pauli Girl. Last night was too much for a Monday.
I just almost got out my car and drop kicked this one chick over parking. Welcome to the first day of spring semester.
I sent him a pic of my tits.. All he said was, "oh your sun burn"
You both must have been completely wasted because every once in a while we would hear you both stop and start singing to each other. At one point it was taylor swift.
what started as sign language exam pre-drinks to calm the nerves turned into me waving at a deaf woman for 20 minutes
Just had to throw up on the floor of my car during traffic on the way to work. Car next to me saw both times. Found the downside to having a job right after graduation.
You tried to convince me you were sober by doing jumping jacks. For an hour.
I just pulled a piece of cookie out of my bra in the middle of class. I'm forever alone.
I just power smoked 3 bongs, ate hot cocoa mix before making hot cocoa, and realized James Spader's character on The Office reminds me of your mom.
I drew a nude short fat middle aged woman today and liked it
It was honestly one of my favorite days in art class except for the 20 min she faced me and kept looking at me and we made eye contact
Oh yeah I remember when I first saw Kyler's balls. If there's anything high school swim prepared me for, it's the amount of testicles I would see here
I saw seagulls fucking earlier today. What have you done with your life recently?
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