This is a mass text. Does anyone know where I am?
That adds atleast one bjs worth of awkward sexual tension between us.
Currently standing on top of my parents leather couch with no pants on playing helicoptor with my penis. You?
this kid just offered me adderall in exchange for my meal points. college at its finest
At CVS buying just condoms. The guy behind me is buying just hotdog buns. There was a silent moment of understanding between us.
He jacked off on my pillow when he found out I left. It was like coming home and finding that your dog, with separation anxiety, had pooped in your shoes. I think I'm flattered...
After I saw you grinding on that guy with your shirt completely unbuttoned, I figured it was time for pizza.
No you can't have a vodka redbull. The pilgrims didn't have vodka redbull.
The world is my kaleidiscope. I see whatever the alcohol wants me to.
Alright, I can go by eventually,, I don't wanna lose a second pair of shoes this semster from blacking out...
You know what i just remembered? I asked the 8 ball if i was gonna get kicked out this semester before any of this stuff happened and it said yes. ITS REAL.
I want to be the sort of person he can respect in the morning once the drugs wear off.
i think the last part kind of negates the first part there
I asked him why I was having sex with him in the middle of having sex. It was sufficiently awkward.
I'm going to a one year olds birthday party to smoke weed. What has my life become.
Let's be real. I'm the Usain Bolt of running away after hookups. Fastest (wo)man alive.
Randomize
