ok so the lil girl sitting behind u was picking the hairs off ur sisters back and putting them in her mouth
i think i've said "don't judge me" 10+ times tonight... is that a bad thing?
yes
... don't judge me
The visine ive been using for four yrs expired. in sept. of 2001.....i will never question my eye problems again.
if i find out your the one who pierced my belly button im going to fuck your sister again
I legit just said "vaginal access denied" then told him his password hint was "tequila shots"
Her brother is definitely not gay. I hooked up with him when she was sleeping.
Is it going to be one of those nights where I shouldn't wear my contacts so everyone looks more attractive?
By the way. I expect to test the theory of you running a mile drunk for memorial day.
Just replaced the batteries in my vibrator without turning on the lights. I need to get laid.
I'm drunk in a place called Lick-A-Chick. PS. It's not a lesbian hot spot, they sell chicken.
I had a dream that I had to take a breathalyzer but then it turned out to be a bong....why can't that be real life?
Cleaning my room at 2am, in just one corner I found six beers, half a pint of whiskey, my flask, 2 shotgun bullets, my crown and shimmer lotion.
I was so high I started singing Let It Go and then instantly started laughing 'cause I was eating ice. Everyone just stared.
This Cougar is looking at me like I’m a piece of meat and buying me top shelf cocktails
I’m getting a fear boner thinking about what she might do to me
Are we allowed to ho on the roof?
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