the #6 from wendy's when stoned is definitely better than sex. i dont care what anyone says.
Dude you just tried to have a one night stand with my ex girlfriend while we were trying to put you to bed upstairs.
but that still doesn't explain how i woke up on the couch down stairs.
you asked the janitor if you could ride his floor cleaner.
??I have an official piece of documentation saying you are banned from Las Vegas.
I may have made out with a tranny last night, which, if I don't get fired for everything else that happened, really makes last night epic.
Last time we talked he was trying to sext me but he was including pictures of fruit
Haha its fine we ask know it. He's still cool thought
Focus on the keyboard man. Focusssss
No judgement. Sometimes you gotta twerk on a legends face.
there was so much lube in my brother's closet...
I have to call my new boss to accept the job offer so you have pack the bowl while I pretend I'm a responsible adult THEN we can get high
Before he left he told me if his girlfriend ever finds out, she'll take us both to an alley and kill us.
And, omg, my eyelids are on fire. I think the internet let me down. :(
Can we talk about how she only slept with you because you remind her of a member of a K-pop group?
He made a deal with his real estate agent called fucking in 50 properties for sale
Still can’t get over the fact that we ate beef jerky off a strip club floor
Randomize
