Kelly went into her room with Dave, but is moaning Tommy...
There's a girl in my class named "La-a" pronouced "Luh Dash uh" I hate everyone
How do I invite him to our 4th of July cookout without sounding too much like "hey you were my first orgasm and I want your dick inside my while watching fireworks"
for future reference mormans are hard to crack but they give fucking amazing hand jobs.
Mystery solved: The table is broken because I had sex on it last night.
On 3 separate occasions, she grabbed my bullhorn to announce to the entire party she had fucked me.
So this guy is eyeing me from across the bar. Either the girl I hit on next to him is his girlfriend or he's her gay best friend. I should show him my Penis and find out.
Dude. Do it.
Definitely her date. But she saw it too. So now he used to be her date. Why can't this stuff Happen when I'm sober?
I guess I just stopped wanting to rip his balls out and started being okay with him being alive. that's a typical feeling for exes right?
Dude. Once again. Cleaning house. Found weed I hid from myself a month ago. Celebrating/testing it out. if i dont text back in 10, call dominos.
I was so drugged up it was amazing, I felt like a dinosaur "because I enjoyed spinach, and I got apple juice and only dinosaurs get apple juice" according to me the day of, and last night I felt like a rocket ship
Next time a random bus filled with santas pulls up to the bar, I'm not getting on it.
I made out with a mom and her daughter and got a black eye, so yeah, my birthday went well
I wore Yonce braids out last night and made out with a man and a woman #bowdown is right
For a guy who came before his dick was out of his pants, he gave surprisingly good head.
I mean, I'm not upset that HE's getting married, I'm upset his penis has to go through with it by default
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