I wish i could convert my hornyness to productiveness. I would have written a fucking book by now.
I don't care how hungover you are were not listening to enya
I can't get a boner in the bathroom of a buffet.
Her mom caught her drunk streaking when she was 12. Of course she's perfect for me.
She looks like if Peter Griffin was a lesbian.
Run away.
Think about if the incredible hulk and king kong had a retarded baby. That's the sound she made in my ear the entire time I fucked her.
Yeah bro I don't know how she's gonna explain the black eye, how else do you tell your boss "my knee hit me in the face during sex last night"
I'm hoping they send me home from work drunk.
I fell asleep masterbating while watching family guy... This is what happens when girl's night gets canceled
Listen, unless you want to spend your birthday in a trunk, you better invite me
When i was tripping hard i was banging Jeff's roommate and her room turned into Hogwarts
Also when we were banging i thought my high school librarian was perched up on top of the stereo like a gargoyle but it ended up just being her cat
Why is there a slipper full of piss in my bedroom?
I'm shaking a cocktail while in bed. Is that bad?
Unless you count my weekly workout where I drink wine, listen to obscure/cheesy records, and pretend I'm a ballerina...no. I don't exercise.
What should I list for life skills
How about home wrecking? You’re excellent at that
Hmm...that is a life skill in Southern California
Randomize
