Hey when I die alone will you come by often enough so that my cats don’t eat my face?
No it only became awkward when she walked in with her new boyfriend and we realized we'd all banged her
Tonight's Real World episode reinforced the well-known fact that men of any caliber can hook up with girls named "Crystal"
We should probably just have a threeway and get everyone on the same page.
So even though we broke up apparently according to my voice mail you still like me, with smurfs while riding on a boat.
Puked in the hotel lobby and just kept walking. I love mardi GRAS.
Pretty sure I can show you the text you sent me stating some interest in my penis entering your mouth if said circumstances were met.
It's called "lets see how many European capitals we can do the walk of shame through in one year"
If you don't want me in your apartment then lock your door better
I just watched my mom get dick on Skype.
That d should have definitely been an s.
Megan brought her friend up last night, greeted her by drunkedly taking a piss all over her duffle bag of clothing
This is classic penis vs brain.
I'm gonna be late for work because i decided to masturbate and forgot to put my clothes in the dryer
Do you think the hole in the ceiling will count against our security deposit?
I'm a teacher who's always telling kids about the importance of due diligence, yet I'm eating an avocado out of a coffee filter because I'm too lazy to wash dishes
Randomize