I showered today. Officially upgrading myself to useless.
By the way, her vagina was so tight i was worried that i would be stuck forever
i broight you flpweers amd vodka. open yoir bask door
Thinking about adopting a 16 yr old here. Her name is Abby and she likes vodka. We've bonded. I need a sober driver n e ways...
Yeah, clearly. And then we can float around my room on Christmas themed inner tubes. And drink, I guess.
Today is definitely a "stand over the toilet and pee through the opening at the bottom of my boxers" kind of day.
I guess the silver lining is that having a big dick really comes in handy when you're hungover.
It's a mixed blessing.
don't you dare blame getting arrested on me. you sugested we play the penis game and we all know I'm a strong competitor
Im eating these cheese filled pretzels. So good. Theres jizz dripping out places i didnt even know i had.
The pigeons can smell the fear
Wtf
You know what it feels like? It feels like I'm in that prison from the dark knight rises. That's what being a virgin in college feels like.
This summer has already been like the best summer ever. FREEDOM IS AWESOME. GOD BLESS AMERICA AND GOD BLESS THE SINGLE LIFE.
A 5 day bender that ended with refusing to pay my bar tab before I left the city. I offered to send them a selfie so they knew to never let me back in.
They are like untrained puppies reaking havoc on a newly furnished house. Out of control.
You just compared our vaginas to a newly furnished house...I can dig it.
I think it's time for tequila and I to go our separate ways
He was actually surprised when I poured myself a glass full of straight vodka. Clearly he doesn't know me as well as he thinks.
Randomize
