ugh, today is just one of those 'get high before your 8am class' days.
This is worse that I thought. He's playing violin for me.
I just remember thinking that if i ran really fast through the house, no one would notice i was naked.
I think for all the guys in my phone, I'm going to change their pictures to pics of their dicks. It's easier to identify them that way.
Dont eat ANYTHING off the floor at Matt's house. He likes floor sex.
I just blurted out "it's pretty tight isn't it"
He was barking to the beat of "I like to fuck" and then chugged 3 beers and fell off the deck.. I should have gotten community service hours
I just karate chopped a humming bird out of mid air. It came at my face while I was out side smoking. Scared the shit out of me. My ninja skills just took over. Haha. I mean really at that point it was me or him.
the best part of christmas was when my mom opened the handcuffs that were supposed to be for jen. Surprisingly, not the most awkward situation of the day.
You tried to order fondue take-out.
From Taco Bell.
I think he may actually care that I call him slampiece instead of his real name. Who knew he had feelings?
First you stole a hockey stick out of the nieghbors yard and claimed you were moses leading his children home. Then you led us around the same block twice before I called the cab
You’ll lick BBQ off my cock but no ketchup on a hotdog?
Wanted to let you know I hooked up with your brother.
i thought he was gay wtf
Perfect attendance and not being drunk since Sunday. This is a new leaf if I've ever seen one
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