walking home from your place the other day I saw a man with a ponytail sitting on some church steps petting a plant
he should get drunk with us
I took my vicodin with tequila. I can FEEL gravity...
i think you broke pat's ankle when you drove over it... he's freaking out but on a more serious note i'm 99% sure i saw a werewolf
It's been decided..lingerie is an investment. You get free breakfast and cab rides out of it.
You can't call dibs 8 years later.
We make out exclusively when we're drunk. That's like a relationship for me, right?
I will suppress my appetite by doing shots then passing out
2nd year in a row being a arrested before school starts...tradition at its finest
I'm not trying to be dramatic but if someone makes you choose between getting a Brazilian or dying. For the sake of your sanity just fucking die
And i'll likely end up sleeping in a bush wrapped up in my poncho
I shaved my asshole for you. You WILL fuck me tonight.
Literally, and I mean LITERALLY as in "not to be confused with a casual hyperbole", LITERALLY the day we broke up she slept with 3 different guys that night.
1) It's nice to see that the whole "English Major" thing is upping the quality of your rants 2) Have you considered that your dick was the cork holding her sluttiness in?
She's blowing me while I'm watching air jaws. I love shark week.
"They let me see the x-ray. My nose is broken. I saw it. It was cool. Well, I guess it would be cooler if it wasn't my nose."
Woman doing my Brazilian right now says to tell you she says hi...what has our life come to?
Randomize
