the stripper made me go home becuz she had to take her kid to a birthday party in the morning
Some broad at the bar just asked me how much money I make. I don't know whats worse, the question or the answer.
If i have to listen to his problems about his girlfriend, he should at least let me suck his cock.
For what it's worth, your chances of anal go up the more she loves you. There's always a silver lining.
its a long story involving jim bean, an owl, and a knife
She said that I needed to "pregame her so it can slip right in."
Sounds good. Stay safe. I'm kind of drunk in a Food 4 Less right now and I'm having the time of my life.
They have 12 kegs and 40 bottles of liquor and a pool with a diving board. And hardly anyone at this wedding knows me. Should be a great night
I attempted to stand up and was quickly reminded by gravity that I am the universe's bitch right now
I just replaced the poop spray with an air horn... Now we wait!
Haha keeping the dream alive until Chinese New Year. I'm jobless with stitches in my face.
It would be like if I said I had the cure for cancer and my explanation was I like turtles.
2 things: 1) can you get hep from toilet water? And 2) do you know where we can get a new skillet for cheap?
Please tell me those aren't related.
I made rice.
Whatever, ill dance on the bar at applebees, don't try and act like you're above it.
My trash can is full of used condoms and girl scout cookie boxes.
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