Bruises. Everywhere. Table sex is dangerous
i'm sure the inside of her vag looks like Normandy circa 1944
and yes i had to double check that date for that joke to be accurate
I just celebrated my ex boyfriends birthday by having more sex than he will today.
Why are there sofa cushions on the floor? And why isn't there a sofa in this room that doesn't have cushions?
You look me right in the eyes and yelled "By the power of the superglue beer sword, I designate you my driver!" I almost felt honored.
Thankfully US customs doesnt have a checkbox for bringing semen into the country because my hair would still be in CDC quarantine
I feel bad for her, but I feel like she's one of those resource-raping alien civilizations that visits planets, decimates them and then leaves. Those really aren't the qualities I appreciate in a friend. Ya know?
We can Fuck in the shower to save time
And this is why I like you. You're so damn innovative.
Meant to have fun, ended up giving speech about consent to guy at bar. Feminist side feels happy. Orgasms side feels confused and betrayed.
I tried to order champagne at IHOP last night
Yeah! Just remind me to. I'll also bring the blow up penis
i was really depressed when i left the health dept this morning after i had to write a higher number next to "partners" than "age"
You ate my ass why wouldn't I remember you
she keeps trying to brush her hair with leaves and insisting she's not high
i think i just naturally attract stoners
Randomize
