Pappa wants mamma naked
OMG I just tried to text you something dirty but accidentally texted the obama campaign
She is just riding on my slutty coat tails.
We didn't have a blender for the margaritas, so she tried to use the garbage disposal and wasted half a handle of my grandpa's good tequila.
Dude i don't know we had to beg the bouncer to let us in because you were bleeding everywhere and he saw you run into a dumpster
I IMAGINED YOU YELLING SURPRISE WITH JAZZ HANDS. AND I LOVE YOU FOREVER
I just look @ having a child spit on you as another form of birth control. I think my ovaries just tied themselves in a knot.
dont iron anything. we fucked on the ironing board. details to follow.
he said he'd buy me TWO burritos if I took my shirt off
Yuck. My throat feels like someone chucked a couple of Maltov cocktails down it and finished it off with a super soaker filled with Jameson.
Hey, scratch that. I've shit 8 times today. I don't have the energy to get laid so I cancelled my date.
You came out of your room naked under your open robe with a mouth full of brownie on a stick and grabbed a fistful of fruit loops and shoved them into your already full mouth.
You left your hot dogs in my dresser again
is it bad that I see hot guys I wanna sleep with as challenges instead of actual people?
yes. but it works for you
MY TITS JUST CAUSED A CAR ACCIDENT ON THE HIGHWAY! i kid you not!! i thinl the giy is actually dead
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