the cure to his relationship is in or around my vagina.
TAKE DOWN THAT PHOTO OF ME IN THE NURSES COSTUME NOW.
I think you're asking the wrong person. You don't understand. Like I would fuck the act of fucking itself if I could.
The puppy is a lightweight. 3 beers and he's passed out on the floor already. I repeat, the puppy is a lightweight.
On the bright side I still get a $20 referral bonus at the plasma center even though he passed out during donation because he was so high.
Its fiiine, tuesday is like the thursday of wine wednesday. And i mean, free beer for girls at the grove...im not NOT gonna take that offer up!
Look at your life. Look at your choices.
Had a dream that you were held at gun point. But I killed the guy. Then we embraced in the biggest hug while everyone around us clapped... Kinda how I imagine our wedding...
Panda onesie. Pizza. Netflix. Wrapped up like a burrito. Screw you guys and your cute relationships THIS IS WHAT INFINITE HAPPINESS TASTES LIKE
Just got road head. In broad daylight. On the interstate. During rush hour. Pushing the envelope one public bj at a time.
I've orgasmed four times in the past 24 hours. And my mom's dropping off cookies later
Like I just asked Greg why I don't have a crown for my vagina. That drunk.
Go to a building you've never been before and take a shit. It's marvelous
I went out with a plan. I came home with a Brian. THIS WAS NOT PART OF THE PLAN.
I was legit late to work one day Bc it took me so long to get a good nude
So... I sharted on the plane. It was hard to maintain my composure and acted offended at the same time. I hate you for not cutting me off last night.
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