somehow on my way home with matt, I ended up straddling steve on the sidewalk and polling the people walking by on whether or not we should have sex.
It was just so hard to get through Conan without crying like a baby. I'm just so proud of him.
He's telling me stories about how he made out with a 14 yr old when he was 22. I'm going home.
you ever fart during an orgasm? feels like u just lost 10 pounds
Even his old football coach jokes about how big it is. I don't want to be alone in a room with him and that monster.
my car smells like vomit and bananas. this can't really be my life.
How many beers are too many "cause it's Archer Thursday" beers?
My password hint says "not sunset, also facebook." i need to stop doing computer things while high. I will never figure this clue out.
Bombed my 8 a.m. exam and the liquor store doesn't open till noon. Drinking unfinished beers from last night till they open.
Sorry for rubbing my feet on you and repeating "good pony, stay."
Hold your horses dude. Titty pics are a work of art.
Does it still count as a valentine if it's drunk phone sex at 3 in the morning
Of course I'm going to see her again. She had waterproof handcuffs in her shower.
I fucked her on her ex's Yankee sheets while she was wearing an Ortiz jersey...of course she gets to meet my mother
Ignore him I am the one that wears the pants in the relationship while "the big man" cries in bed
Randomize
