R you on birth control?
No, why?
...no reason
i wanted to iron the shorts i'm wearing. but i'm high and lazy. so i'm using my hair straightener. in bed.
I AM OVULATING LIKE A STEAM ENGINE.
We convinced him to snort an altoid. We should not be allowed to drink together
i will see naked twins by the end of the night. that's all i know
my mom and grandma just had a splits competition. slut runs in the family
we just got kicked out of the mexican restaurant. i have a full pitcher of margarita's hiding under my coat.
Hurry up and get here I'm judging myself
I just want to have weird supply closet sex with him... and then I'll be all set. Fired, but all set.
I hate that you live in a gated community. I feel your guard judges me every time I go to your house at 3 am an leave at 5am
I just ordered $70 worth of pizza and I'm not even ashamed. Happy Valentine's Day to me.
I was "singing along to the Lego Movie" high. Everything was not awesome
Crying into a glass of wine at 10 am isn't exactly how I planned this day to go
I'm glad you got documented proof of my stupidity with a head full of nitrous
Hahaha and I'm glad you are doing whip its at a childrens basketball game
That bitch claimed that you said it was ok if she drank your vodka. Obviously she has never met you
Randomize
