this girl and her friend just showed up at my house. standing together, theylook exactly like the number 10. this has cockblock written alllllll over it.
last nights makeup is better than no makeup at all.
she thought Martin Luther king was a president at one time. I love knowing I broke up with my ex and this is what he ends up dating.
i cant do it anymore.. every time this girl orgasms she sounds like a motorcycle
GET THE DICK OUT OF YOUR MOUTH AND CHECK FACEBOOK.
Highlight of my weekend: having my card suspended due to "suspicious charges" and standing in line at the gas station yelling at customer service on the phone that I really did go to 4 different strip clubs in one night
yeah, i'm not. but i'm ready for free bjs. it's just hard to find women who will give me a beej while i'm sobbing uncontrollably
We spilled a whole bottle of mouth wash and then proceeded to roll around and make out in it. At least I smell minty fresh.
He is full of southern hospitality and I want to be full of him.
I'm reliable. I always make it home. I always throw up in the street too.
bought a large fruitopia from McDonalds at 7:45 this morning. Spilled it on the ground. Cried. THAT hungover.
he sent me a green and gold dick pic and advised me I needed to come drive the snake from Ireland.
I came home braless and wearing a tail....
He woke up and decided to go for a swim in the lake... At about 3am... With his dogs
So there we are, fucking beneath the Christmas tree and I glance up and see one of the local Jehovah's witnesses staring in horror through the decorative glass in the front door. I'm so proud of us.
Randomize
