She might as well just lie down with one of those red "Easy Buttons" next to her
If fate has that penis in my future.....I'm down.
Fucking freshmen need to learn how to puke in the bushes outside the dorm and not in the fucking elevator.
just did a beer bong in the shower while i was taking an actual shower its officially football time
I dunno. Last time I went there I had got sexually propositioned by a Belgian prince.
IS SOBER OCTOBER A THING?? WTF WHO ARE THESE PEOPLE?
i wish i could tell my students that all of their lessons plans were brought to them by captain morgan and diet coke. it's like seasame street, only for high schoolers being taught by a student teacher.
Went into Walmart to get a pregnancy test. Came out with a beta fish and chocolate.
I accidentally told my mom "the reason I didn't answer your call is because my phone was in my pants, on the floor"
I told the person I was on the phone with to hold on while I looked for my phone. I think it's time to stop doing dabs.
Good news my life of crime finally paid off
I now know he's been cheating for a while. I also know HER name, address, phone number, Facebook account, religion and zodiac sign. I feel like I'm earning my restraining order. Point is, never fuck over a librarian.
She did what?
Who. The correct term is she did who.
Did you see him? The correct term is definitely what.
Became friends with a girl at work today until I realized we have the same taste in men. And I thought only I liked red-bearded fat men
You took your shirt off at the bar, handed it to a girl, and made her wash your dirty shirt on your washboard abs
tuesdays get the best of me...
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