Hey was my sperm eye the same day I crapped myself?
Getting a high five from your dog when you're stoned is one the greatest rewards of being a pet owner.
Just found a keg and a mini-bike in our garage, this couldn't possibly go wrong
I am sweating out the vodka to make room for the whiskey tonight.
Sudue. BIG CUP LOTS OF NOMNOMD TUOSPY
Duuuude - Drag Queen Bingo wasn't supposed to end like thissss
I feel as if we moved beyond the hook up stage when she blew me as I drunkenly finished my chicken nuggets.
Hungover. Have to fix everything I've broken. I'm gonna be very late.
Yeah. I woke up in an awkward three way spoon with him and his sister. Tequila!
Exactly best part of my night he took of his shirt and surprise traveler fanny pack
He fucked me while wearing his night time breathing machine mask. Does this mean I joined the dark side and he is Darth Vader?
I mean, she's batshit insane and once choked a guy with one hand but she's still MILF material in my book.
Did you know that chef boy-ar-dee was a real person? I watched a show about him. the history of the ravioli is more scandalous than you would think.
We peed on a building I think...like a building in downtown...not out of view of anyone.
Dude it's unhealthy how much I love vagina in my face
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