Just walked by a guy on campus YELLING 'Im still hammered'
woke up at my desk with a paper in front of me that says "people stranded on islands love having wet dreams" what the fuck happened last night
first day of class and my professor asked me if i was going to come to class drunk all semester.
They normally just get fucked up and see who can hold their hand on the exhaust the longest. It's great
I just masturbated to the audio from my psych lecture . . . this screwing my prof fantasy is getting serious.
Subtly mention that I'm not a lesbian. I would only go for rebecca's nipples because they're pierced and I like shiny things.
He wore nothing but a Speedo and a tie to the party. It was great. Everyone was looking at him like "this kid's the best"
Oh god I just realized bird face had che Guevara tattooed on her upper arm. Deals off, readivised opinion
Had a grope session with a girl who looked like my Mom and had the same name as her as well. I think therapy is in order.
This drive is very scenic
And I'm chugging whiskey in the back
As you should, soak in all this country has to offer
I got laid while wearing a shirt with a picture with my little brother deep throating a banana on it.
I woke wondering who the hell was in my bed. Then i felt boobs and remembered Haha. Thirsty Thursday killed my liver and my homosexuality
Didn't have the heart to tell him that while he was eating my ass I was laughing, not moaning, into the pillow
So I ate half a jar of mayo because I thought it would cure a hangover. I thought wrong.
Guess whose grandma smokes weed?
Randomize
