You tried to call the hospital and left a voicemail asking if you could be put on the liver transplant list as a "pre-caution"
Sorry I didn't wanna double team his sister. Having whiskey dick and watching you get laid didn't sound appealing
Your beautifulness. Funnyness. Sexy hairness. Coolness. Plus you ask google how far wendys is from your house. Will you marry me
She took a crow from her moms Halloween decorations, taped it to her shoulder, went to the bar and made the guys buy a drinks for both her and the crow.
Between the hair pulling and the choking its its more like combat than sex
Sorry I have an "Operation Iraqi Freedom" fantasy
Wow, nothing is more special than changing the channel and seeing the guy who groped you on Saturday night...
I ate shit on a rock, and when I got up this car full of people asked me if I was okay, and I just sprinted away screaming "I am a banana!"
Dude, the lecture theatre is caving in on me.
Was it just me or did you also find it awkward when "glad you came" started playing on pandora right after you finished?
Ohh man. That was a snatch-waxer with a score to settle.
I woke up snuggling a bottle of water while Hercules played on Netflix. Whiskey Wednesdays
No one parties "Full Karen". She once broke a couple up at the bar, ate the girl out in the bathroom and took the guy home.
Last year I got a dildo in the mail on my birthday. Today it was just a credit card bill. Sadface.
I washed my sheets. I did out of respect for my previous and current sexual partners.
My life just got so pathetic that I volunteered to work a double on my day off because its saturday and I have nothing else planned
Randomize
