he broke up with me so i peed in his bed
Did I tell you that you looked cute last night? I looked at the pictures. I lied.
I just sneezed and had an orgasam..THAT turned on
Because when I say 'You shouldn't drink anymore', she hears, 'I personally challenge you to chug 3 more mixed drinks'
Im going to need an iv of taco bell after this.
Did you seriously take investment advice from our coke dealer?
I'm chugging Gatorade because i drank something called a trashcan and someone named Gianna diamond has my credit card number, and I think I might have ruined my life.
i'm about to say screw it and get drunk in the hotel by myself
It's 2 pm, at least sit by the pool...
Donating $10 to Sandy victims for every hurricane I drink tomorrow. Buying me alcohol just became a good cause.
Nope. Flying out tonight. Staying with my great aunt who is an ex nun turned hostel owner. Best and likely most dangerous St. Patty's Day to commence in 10 hours. IRELAND!
Be safe. And I hate you.
Cancun blessed me with a drinking problem
I've now fucked in every motel room in this small town.
He lit a shoe on fire and tried putting it out by peeing on it
How is it that on the one day I'm just moving my car at 6:30 I get the walk of shame looks but when I come home at 9 am in a torn dress holding heels old ladies smile at me?
Just sent a nude with the caption "seasons greetings from our family to yours"
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