I was up until 12:30 making that damned grammar test for my freshmen then I caught myself running through the verb tenses when I was giving him head.
"I have sucked, I will suck, I will have suck, I am sucking..." I've never felt more like a nerdier slut than last night.
Just wondering why in an apartment full of stoners there is half a waffle in the TRASH CAN. get ur shit together man
pretend to be my girlfriend and sign me up for tool academy
screw that ipod for my birthday.. i just want a weed brownie the size of my face. that's all.
Could someone please kill snooki before she contributes to the gene pool.
It was literally me in an evening gown and him in a tux with six bottles of Vodka at Jons.
And this was for your brother's Christening?
The kid I'm babysitting just asked if I had a boyfriend. WHY IS A FOUR YEAR OLD MAKING ME FEEL BAD ABOUT MY LIFE
Dude he fell into my wall and left an imprint then decided to have sex with the door open. Vents carry noise pretty well
A guy in a banana suit just got the whole bus to participate in a call and response version of Bohemian Rhapsody. HERO
I raided the fridge drunk the same time dad was eating breakfast
I was wearing the shirt my little sister got for her birthday when the condom broke. I finally have it back to her and told her it was bad luck
Don't laugh, but I might need some advice on how to ride a crooked dick.
I mean seriously there comes a time when you just need to take a crap in peace. Until he figures that out he can stay the hell outta my place.
Please can we have sex in this office for old times sake
I look over and the both of you are naked, and he's eating chicken nuggets off the floor
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