Yeah no shit. My mom is giving me winecoolers as we watch a show abt alcoholics
I hate cats. They're so curious, it's not their damn business.
drunk pissing on my closed toilet lid is actually quite a sobering experience
Hes flirting with her via the sauce packets at taco bell....... I have no words
What are you wearing tonight?
The colors of the winddddddd
We need a bunch of roses, some chocolate, 2 cops, a mariachi band, and a thermometer
I lied. Can't workout today. Only exercises I'm currently capable of doing are breathing ones to keep last night's drinks ending up all over the classroom.
So I just realized I have three bananas, seven condoms, three lube packets, three tampons, and a shot glass in my bag but no pen #modelstudent
I can see their wedding vows now: 'Til basicness do us part
After we'd both come, we started writing a book about dragons. Woke up this morning to a full English breakfast. Can't thank you enough for introducing us
Because of you I'm damaged goods. I'm a fucking soup can and you dropped me.
I'm dancing with a sandwich I just made cause I'm so happy how delicious it tastes, that high haha
There are leaves in my underwear?
all i know is that i woke up at 12:00 am in a shower with egg shell in my hair. i am 90% sure you are responsible.
Officially not baby mama #3. Celebration is in order.
Randomize
