i just got a UPS package from a name and address i dont know, with one of my thongs in it. no recollection.
i either bought an eighteen year old girl or i'm engaged to her... i'm not quite sure
So I was gonna stay in tonight but the president got me motivated! I will not quit. Bars here I come.
just took my temp. 103. i wonder how tylenol and jager bombs are gonna mix
First date: that requires underwear, huh?
It took 5 minutes to find my bra.. in his car.
I think the main reason you were throwing up so much was the quart of soap you chugged trying to burp bubbles. you came close
if i cared i wouldnt have woken you up by pouring a bottle of soy sauce on you.
is that what this stuff is?
wearing my old cheerleader outfit to the bar was a great way to get free drinks. i should do this more often
I can't wash the smell of tacos off my hands. I feel like the Lady Macbeth of Chipotle.
If you get that boat I will recruit some boat hoes for you and tape a video and sync it to I'm On A Boat. This is happening.
I was so high. I had so much hair. It was like all my hair follicles exploded.
I stole $10 from the guy I hooked up with last night.Not sure why but it was definitely more satisfying.
you tried to fight the cop who was busting the party, you said you had a constitutional right to do a keg stand...
It was like a single vaginal boat in a sea of one eyed monsters
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