somehow you got everyone naked by playing strip rock paper scissors.
So I cleaned out my gym bag. Found half a bottle of malibu.
You know, I could pretend I'm shocked but what's the use?
I'm so sick
I would imagine. You did most of your drinking for brazil last night.
That and I think I got food poisoning from sharing nachos with that homeless guy..
It was like something out of a fucked up fairy tale. He just crowdsurfed over to her while riding a keg, said "come sail with me", and then the crowd carried them off into the night. What.
I hate that we are older than the real world people now
How early is too early to study with margaritas?
I can't tell if I'm still on the hangover from last night, or if I'm experiencing the one from tomorrow, because it was so powerful that it actually traveled back through time...
When she saw "buy condoms" on my to do list she figured out pretty quick we were breaking up.
It was the cape. I can't control myself when I wear a cape.
Don't make me do math I'm drunk and full of chicken
Yes ma'am. I'm attracted to unconventional people, you know that.
True. I can't judge, half of my sexual partners I only know a false first name & a number. We all have our kinks.
For one week of my life every time I pull my cock out I want the Jurassic Park theme music to start playing.
I was told I was gorgeous and a whore by the drag queens. My night is complete.
Yeah. Of all the things to be cock blocked by a plague is the most unexpected.
Why do so many fanfic writers want to see hockey players get pregnant?
Randomize
