I just farted for five sidewalk sections! New personal best.
The worst part is I think my tongue cut his penis and now he wont talk to me.
this is probably the only time in my life that i would want to fuck thomas jefferson
we knew you were done when they played It's All Coming Back To Me Now by Celine Dion and you started crying
if that blanket by the dog bowl was your dog's "bed" then i apologize to bailey for having sex on it
That reminds me of that one time you handcuffed me to a table leg while I was reaching for the vodka.
THE BIG GAY MAD HATTER IS HERE AND HE HAS DRUGS IN HIS PANTS FOR YOU. COME DOWNSTAIRS BITCHEZZZZ
What kind of life do I lead that no one is surprised by the fact that I was watching porn at work with the hot 37 year old?
I peed my pants and am still dancing with guys at the club because I liked my outfit too much to change. Call the ratchet emergency
Thou shall not get drunk and hit bitch cup in pong and take shirt off while wearing a see-through lace bra again
You have the most beautiful penis I've ever seen. I never thought penises were meant to be beautiful, but you proved me wrong
She just kept roaring and saying Katy Perry had nothing on her. Wtf did she take?
I have seen you puke and 5 mins later rock my world. So there is hotness there that average people will never see..
I asked him to have birthday sex with me via xbox live
I have so much to do, no motivation, and Harry Potter is on. You KNOW whats taking priority in my life right now
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