Most awkward thing ever: Meeting your BattleShits opponent post war.
Bring your kids so they can distract our kids so we can drink beer in peace.
He called me from prison intake to wish me luck on my job interview. Somehow that's the most romantic thing that's ever happened to me.
It's too hard to jack off and hold an ipad at the same time
i officially have more pictures of his dick than pictures of us together
3rd rule of buttsex she must be clean and shower recently
and skipped dinner
Hold my feet while i lean out of the window of the truck.
I really need to stop drunk texting. My one night stand just agreed to go roller skating.
He's telling everyone that the only reason he's at this party is to hook up with me. SOS HELP.
That amazing moment when the girl in the passenger seat decides to strip you while your driving.
Judging by my bruises, I know I took more than one tumble. I probably pulled u down w me, and then punched you in the knee. Been trying to find a place to fix my phone between naps today. Almost no place accepts hand js as currency these days. 2013 is gonna be expensive and whorey.
I mean, who doesn't have an ex involved with bath salts?
Well let me fuck you while I make potatoes. It's every girls dream
I'm eating animal crackers on my bed next to my vibrator writing about the hopelessness and depravity of humanity. I am LIVING.
Who's phone is in my pants and why did I wake up clutching a handle of vlad?
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