I'm like 99% sure I made out with Kevin Spacey last night. Not good.
Dude... Hand job in the lake... It was as weird as it sounds.
He woke up licked his hand and put it on my vag and went back to sleep. This is twice this week and its only wednesday
I always knew I'd be the first one with an STD
Things I can say. There is a photo of me pouring whipped cream into a midgets mouth.
She really is something else.
Words cannot describe what though. The best way to describe her is to say it like watching a bear and a whale have sex. You don't know why it's happening or how. But it's rather funny and you can't look away.
Hit a new low. I'm FB stalking him while he is lying in bed sleeping naked next to me. He fell asleep with FB still open and unlocked on his iPad.
I threw up in my room. And I cleaned it up with a spatula.
Hey you're my best friend, I'm sorry I picked my vagina over my heart last night.
Uh I almost got the bride to go down on me. I'm the smoothest maid of honor ever.
I came back from England with a face tattoo and the only thing anyone can talk about is my beard.
I'll call you on my way home
Oh my god I'm going to die between now and then... can you at least tell me if y'all hooked up???
I just put condoms in a mason jar because it looked prettier than the box.I think I've peaked.
The last thing I remember is trying to chug the rest of the everclear, running through a fence, and laying down in the snow. I hurt.
It's confirmed. I have two dates on Saturday, and they are both named Mike.
Randomize
