I don't think the people up for their 8am class were as impressed with how many beads i got last night as we were.
i'm considering texting him with "i'm leaving the country for a year, wanna fuck?"
do it. it's every man's dream.
My favorite part about you getting arrested is having to explain the prosthetic leg in the front seat.
You've got more to offer than just money. Come on. You have an awesome rack.
WHY AM I BEING COCKBLOCKED BY A KID PLAYING HAVA NAGILA ON THE SAXAPHONE
So help me Jesus we're never drinking together again. But weekends don't count. Amen.
Close your eyes and stop texting and think about puppies. You'll be fine.
Quesedillas should not make me weep and drinking water should not make me feel like god is giving me mouth to mouth. Never again.
Your couch is like an animal shelter for stray drunks.
I'm sure he'll make the rejection quick and completely justified.
He sent me a recycled dick pic! He could at least use one without sunlight in it, considering it's 10pm
As yoda would say; A bitch, she is.
Just got a handjob in the hospital
A new low.
Quit giving me a hard time, whens the last time you got head every night? Cougars are where its at they dont play games
Look, if it comes down to it, I’m spraying whipped cream on your nuts
Randomize
