Dual, econ, hell, shiv, aunt, puppy. 1 out of 6. T9 word needs to learn how to cuss like me.
i just heard Winston Churchill in auto-tune. thank you nerds.
I told the girl who was peeing in the garbage can she must have had a lot of upper body strength.
are you aware you chucked your pizza at a girl's face after the bar last night?
The 9th floor RA wants to know why we stacked 21 cinder blocks in the shower, and I can't remember. Do you?
It's like I'm snorkeling in an ocean of tequila.
I looked up while we were having sex to see him covering my pillow pet's eyes with his free hand. I think I'm in love
There's an old guy having a conversation with his penis in the bathroom right now.
How was it playing wingman?
I feel like I was rockys coach watching him get the shit beaten out of him by Apollo creed
I feel so nauseous and all I want is string cheese. My life never makes sense.
I told you you to bring something to share....you brought tequila and a condom
I put on pants and a bra for you and you never showed up. There is no forgiveness for that.
We had a moment of silence for all of the orgasms he gave me with his beard before he shaved it off.
Partying with my eighth grade history teacher I know you're jealous
when i woke up w mysterious sticky crap in my hair, i assumed i had another blackout hookup. nope. turns out i made PBJ and proceeded to pass out in it. i ate the evidence when i woke up.
Randomize