You know, if there were no such thing as marriage, i don't think porn would exist.
i bought a pregnancy test with dimes. Is that trashy?
i think its awesome that according to your mom i'm your friend that caught on fire.
One question: Why is your trash can full of blood and pop-tarts?
It was only 12:11 and I needed to make a Pepto Latte and call it a night, I don't remember that being part of my new years resolution.
Fat girl left in a hurry. Possibly had to do with the missing bathroom door in my apartment.
My mother walked into the bathroom at 345 am while I was splashing in the bathtub with the remnants of her birthday cake all over me... she looked at me and walked out...
I'm pretty sure that when my parents bought me those savings bonds they thought it would go towards something useful like tuition. Not your bail.
I told you I'd buy you lunch.
Good. I hope they all got E.Coli from snorting coke off of some homeless prick's asshole.
I would take a bullet for Beyonce's baby
I know you're asleep, but I just had a motherfucking epiphany.
my ex's current girlfriend held my hair as I threw up. new low.
How many times is too many times to use the word 'fuck' in my thesis?
Just burnt my tongue. Not sure if it will help or hurt giving blow jobs
you pulled out seven eyelashes and made me count them multiple times whilst crying hysterically.
Randomize
