Come with me and I'll find you a girl. What's your type?
Vagina
i found her turbo button.....if you know what i mean.
I know ur sleeping, sorry for waking you but i just saw a girl with mittens on using her nose to control her ipod touch
I'm on his itunes. He has a sex playlist. It's actually not so much a playlist as 12 Kylie Minogue songs with a big gay Whitney finish.
She wants to practice her harmonica skills on my penis
I'm at the bar alone. Is this how you feel?
Bad news? she threw her drink in his face, left her phone at the club, and disappeared. I found her laying in bed with the bottle she stole from our VIP service. Good news is she's asleep and I have the bottle, come home
He smells like cinnamon, and what I imagine to be orgasms
I've never had sex with me but I assume there are worse ways to be woken up.
She wouldn't eat a clam- if you blow a line pregnant you can eat a clam
Not sure if buying Twisted Teas for the alcoholics posted up outside the gas station counts as paying it forward but I am optimistic.
I woke up completely naked in a mint condition 71 chevelle in someones garage. What.
Tell me I'm drunk and you have to come get me. It's usually true. They'll believe you.
We're just starting to open presents and I already need a shot. This is gonna be a long Christmas day.
I think it’s appropriate to celebrate the start of mother’s day at the bar with the men that almost made me a mother
Randomize
