forecast for tonight is alcohol, low standards and poor decisions.
i hit her car. ill just send her a farmville gift in the morning. then it'll be alright.
now were playing what girl doesnt belong in the picture of girls in bikinis.
I automatically know you're drunk now as soon as you start yelling in spanish
There's a mouse. In the house. By the cans. With some pans. Release the cat. To eat his hat. Sorry about the mess. Of my breakfest.
No but seriously, there's a fucking mouse in the house by the beer cans
Oh and I guess I added our cab driver on Facebook. He has "liked" every single one of my beach pictures. Kill me now.
He gave me four orgasms and I kept yelling "Thank you!" and he kept replying, "My pleasure!"
Midwestern nice.
I want to see boobs tonight. Like, real ones. Your ones.
I'm romantic.
I'm sad that I feel like I need to temporarily change your name in my phone from Smashley until you have the baby and can be unsober with us again.
I think my ph in my vagina is actually off from the lack of sex I've had this break compared to finals week.
"Let's do body shots off the freshmen" is officially the worst thing I've ever said.
Omg cinnamon bun Oreos. Thanks weed
So, I ran into Garrett last night in the laundry room.
Oh really? First post break-up run in. How'd it go? Awkward?
Um. We had sex on a washing machine.
I am beginning to doubt your commitment to my making poor choices tonight
Instead of.being an intelligent and mature adult and dealing with my feelings I chose to get hammered and fuck flounder
Eh it happens
Randomize
