2:23 am: come sit on my lap i have a stick that'll keep you in place
My kitchen smells like failed pina coladas.
guy in front of me on the bus did 12 yrs, hes teling me about how to knife fight
I'm going to but the new Playboy with Chelsea Handler on the cover. I'm pretty sure it's the only time buying a Playboy will make me gayer...
today is like waiting for pizza day in elementary school, but with sex added
i'm watching the draft and making cookies. how am i still single?
Am I the only one creeped out by the guy asleep behind our couch?
I wanna take him on a special date, something that says I banged your brother but since he moved I want you
I'm high. Everything has a 45° angle. That is as far as my eyes open
I'm going to sing sad and lonely Barbra Streisand songs at the top of my lungs if you don't get here soon
nope. just stoned. wishing i had a golf cart.
Should I have spent my entire pay check on Crown Royal and LSD? No. Do I regret it? Also, no.
I just accidentally deep throated a popsicle in front of my parents
Even though I'm gonna be a felon I'm having fun for time being.
Just waxed 95% of the hair off my vag. If he doesn't enjoy this tonight, you will, whether you like it or not.
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