Good luck! Who knows he might be a stallion in the bedroom! or it could be like having sex with a crayon.
I'm too drunk to be surrounded by this many indians
How do you manage to be drunk and a racial minority so often?
For future reference, the words 'big' and 'problem' should be used sparingly with a person whom you have recently had copious amounts of unprotected sex
You know why I moved here? No public intoxication law. A cop just helped me from my bent over vomit pose, asked if I was ok, and gave me a ride home.
She alternated between blowing me and feeding me bites of the sandwich she made for me.
its friday night, im aone in my apartment and eating 2 year expired canned fruit, naked. i'm not single or anything..
Why did my little sister call me from your phone this morning?
Things like this can't be explained over text man
i took a picture of my dick. with a stick figure drawn on it. and a paper hat taped to the tip. and i call i the mayor of Dickville
We get an extra hour of sleep. That means we can take an extra shot tonight. Sound logic. Thank you daylight savings.
Great news. Our sex broke my otter box
Now that you have a boyfriend, can I have my vibrator back?
Just witnessed a man yell "gonna catch a slut!" at himself in the mirror while doing bicep curls at the gym.
I was...perplexed.
Remember how I have such good luck that it's almost bullshit?
I'm afraid to ask, but go on.
Dude I had sex with her and she STILL thinks I'm gay. I don't know what else to do.
Yeah I'm just gonna stay here and spread my horniness to the world.
Randomize
