Theres puke in my trash can and spilled beer next to my bed... come get your girlfriend
Can I crash on your couch? I just came home to find my wife giving two guys blowjobs.
Two?
Two.
Any of you guys fuck a 16 year old again? Because our front yard got fucked over high school style.
I just did the classiest thing ever.
last time you said that you got chlamydia.
What's the point of being healthy if people still don't want to fuck you?
Also...you were trying to touch his balls without him noticing
I totally just found ecstasy floating around in the bottom of my purse, it's almost like good karma from the time I lost that blow...but not quite
All I know is I want him to tie me up at least twice a week and I have an overwhelming urge to cook for him. Could this be love? I'm so confused....
Two women at the Safeway just got out of their separate cars and kissed. One was driving an outback, the other a CRV. It was like a Honda and Subaru had a lesbian joint venture and filmed the commercial in front of me.
What are your plans?
Get picked up. Convince you to leave work. Smoke. Drink. Fly helicopters.
Clothes make me feel like a responsible adult and that's just not something I'm ready to handle.
I saved a note for myself but all it said was "am I a slutty Holden Caulfield?"
I literally woke up walked into the bathroom, threw up and died this morning. Then went to my 8am.
Yep that's the face of someone whose dick I would put in my mouth without hesitation
I went next door to get a can opener from them. They opened the door shirtless, asked me if I wanted to a smoke a joint with them. Then decided to make blueberry smoothies. But the yogurt in the blender & the berries, got confused when the berries blended into the yogurt and just kept adding more. Only stopped when we ran out of berries.
Randomize
