I had a dream last night where you were a transsexual in a low cut blue dress with lovely long brown hair. You were very pretty. I hope you are well.
I wish scraping a resin bowl could be considered cleaning.
Does boxed wine and camel crushes signify a college date? Lets hope so
Someone in my history class just FB messaged me saying they highly suggest I put my sunglasses on. He is sitting 18 rows in front of me...
I swear if his heart was half the size of the cum stains he's left on my sheets we would have the perfect relationship
She went into the basement and sang to my cat for three hours....she actually has a beautiful voice....
some bitch filled my sink with salsa.
I had to break up with him he didn't understand my priorities. I'm sorry but Saturday nights are for pot and Doctor Who. I'm not going to change who I am.
We fed him just...so many bright colored crayons when he was blacked out. I hope he looks at his shits because this could be all for nothing
If there is a ladylike way to throw up in your favorite toilet, I just did it.
Her delivery came. She's ordered a pack of 144 condoms.
I just used a thesaurus to write a sext...
I really need to stop sending pussy pics if I'm going to be running for state representative in November
I think vodka/water/skittles totally beats your crystal light mimosas
I gave her the last ten dollars to my name and bitch comes back with a six pack of bud light and a pack of sour patch kids
Randomize
