ya ever know whats down there. always send some fingers in first to scout the situation. fingers are not used for pleasure. they're used for covert missions.
i'm gonna be such a cougar when i'm older...i just facebook stalked my little sister's 13 yr old boyfriend while drinking a bottle of wine....
i crushed up some extenze and put them in his protein powder - should make for an interesting gym experience
Mental note: adding peach schnapps to a gin and tonic does not "water it down."
You need to tell your booty call to take some sudafed or something. I swear I thought you were humping Kermit the frog last night
After the second day the hotel realized I wasn't responsible enough to have a comforter, so they took it for the rest of the trip.
I'll tell these girls I'm like the pet adoption center...don't play with it if you're not taking it home.
okay have fun. but Under NO circumstances ever attempt to outdrink the german exchange student. no matter how badly you want to blow him. just don't.
I feel like a pizza delivery girl of vagina tho
He won't leave and I need to take a shit and vomit, quite possibly at the same time.
Phone keeps correcting good morning to "food moaning" and I like the way it thinks.
I want to have sex in my car again before I put the car seat back in
My mom just asked if I wanted a mimosa when I got out of the bath.
I think everything's gonna be okay.
so i may or may not have just had sex on the stage of the lecture hall....
when some dude came up to you and said he didn't like your shirt you just looked at him and firmly asked if he really thought that you gave a fuck.
Randomize
