I cant wait for the day that I tell my daughter I named her after my favorite porn star.
Only at my house do scrabble games turn into fist fights. I won though... the fight not the board game.
Should I shave my pubes in the shape of a top hat so I can nickname my junk Abe Lincoln?
soo I had sex last night and he wore a condom, pulled out sans condom. we looked everywhere and couldnt find it, even in my vag. so Im in the library at school and I googled it and it gave me "gentle digging" techniques, and sure enough, found it. ew. I'll be purchasing Plan B after class.
his facial hair looked like he just ate out someone's ass
didn't have any spoons so I beer bonged my chicken noodle soup. I fucking love camping.
I wish we were homeless so drinking on the streets was acceptable.
i'm sitting in the pool eating chicken pot pie with my little brother's friend. moments like these are the reason i love weed.
his mom walked in, looked at me, sighed n nsaid 'when are u gonna learn' n walked out
My phone saved "first signs of pregnancy" as a most visited search.
I don't know what he did to me, but he did it wrong. I think my pelvis is broken. I cant even drive without it hurting. What. The. Fuck.
You went to jail last night?!
Just a little bit.
You need to stop thinking about the needs of your vagina and concentrate on the greater good
Nothing quite like walking through a spider web on your way back in from smoking to fuck up a perfectly good high.
only I would find a long lost relative through a craigslist casual encounters ad
Randomize
