At the Phils game. My gay buddy just wanted up to a bunch of Mets fans and said "I'm gay, and even I think Mets fans are a bunch of fags." I love this fuckin town.
hey, here's something you don't have worry about since you're a girl: finding crusty cum in your bellybutton.
dude i feel like shit
well u did eat a lot of play-doh
We had like 4 guys come over and buy us all drinks as an excuse to hit on Kendra. Hanging out with her is now officially fiscally responsible.
the day after is always just damage control
By connection do you mean me drunkenly grinding my ass on his lap for an extended period of time? If so, then yes, we had a "connection"
Hah, I lost the lenses in my glasses, didn't event notice til this morning... How was the meeting?
Please take a moment of silence for the fact that I still have all 10 fingers
What vodka is american?
Skyy. I already looked it up for 4th of july.
Please send me a thumbs up pic afterwards. No homo. After you've redressed and are heading for the walk of shame out of course
One minute you were celebrating, the next you were bleeding all over your Nikes.
So as a result of a tragic manscaping accident I've had to shave all the hair off of my legs. The result is... not great
Rule travel - in 2s or put an ankle monitor on me, and maybe a shock collar.
Heeyy... sorry I got so drunk. You probably don't ever want to see me again. Thank you for dealing with me when I tried to jump over the deli counter for some mayonnaise.
I just drunkenly accidentally had sex with my boss
Did you at least ask for a raise?
No but I am now the owner of one of either his or his roomate's teeshirts... Maybe I can use it to negotiate?
Randomize
