Did you ever notice that cashews look like fetuses?
gin and tonic in a mug. no limes so im using canned madarin oragnes. classy or trashy?
homeless.
I feel like i'm in the derek zoolander school for kids who can't read good.
i called him pencil dick in front of over half of his fraternity brothers...
...never gotten so many high fives in my life! fuck ya i win!
Well unless he sent his sperm via fedex, this baby isnt his
Sorry for punching you in the face last night. I should have known the boxing gloves were a bad idea from the start.
How is it I was the last to know everyone calls me tig ole bitties? Did y'all have a meeting about this that I wasn't invited to?
My life has only gotten better since they built a playground behind the bar
It's funny to me the only time that you clean up is when your weed delivery man is on the way.
I responded with "neat-o burrito" to his SEXT...he tried so hard and I just panicked.
You also once spent an entire hour explaining the origin of the strip steak to me.
the police report says i screamed sanctuary from a jungle gym at the playground when they caught up with us, obviously they disregarded international law.
Like when I see him I look straight through his appearance and just envision a big walking penis.
he's like crack. I can't be in the same room with him while drunk and not do him.
I felt like a slutty ass cruella devil driving your old car, And I got in a fight with your wipers
Randomize
