you would think someone who fights for his country could fight to last longer than 2 minutes
you just used a box of cheese-its to get into the bar
I'm drinking with 3 chicks and 1 gay dude. 100% chance I'm getting laid and 75% chance I'll enjoy it.
He only had napkins in the bathroom... no toilet paper. If I fuck him, am I settling?
I think I threw my underwear away at What-A-Burger last night.
Hey man. We haven't met but my name is Ben. I threw up a bunch at your house last night. I heard you smoke though so I'll smoke you out anytime.
At this point, just throw that mattresses away. Or bronze it and display it as a testament to your shame. either is good.
I'm hoping my engineering degree will pay off when I invent porn watching in the shower
his basement wasnt heated so when i asked for a hoodie someone gave me a kimono.. i passed bc who the fuck knows where that shit has been recently
Yeah she let me pull the goalie and wear my USA flag like a cape since it was the first day of the world cup
sober me is the one who makes bad decisions every boyfriend I've ever had I met sober
I ended up sleeping on a park bench. Never using Tinder again.
oh you can't commit, don't have any real ambitions, and love to drink PBR? well.... sign me up!
that sounds horrible...
what could possibly go wrong attempting to re-enact the dinosaur capture scene from Jurrasic Park... I have the net gun and camcorder you have the dino costume and can run
I was trying to get nudes from last night and ended up getting a family portrait!
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