I need you to promise me that the first one to find out our kids smoke weed, takes the weed so we can smoke it ourselves
i think i will get a tattoo on my butt that says "im not bluffin with my muffin", but i guess if i was serious, i would get it above my c-section scar
she was using bread to soak up the vodka off the floor then proceeded to eat it.
Standing in a circle of girls fistpumping to the word "hospital" while taking shots.... I don't see this ending well, but its fucking fun.
I found him in bed on a pullout couch with another dude. He had two empty puke buckets and his empty bottle of jagermeister right by his head.
The guy I fucked in San Diego is camping with us for coachella... Awk.
We're having chugging races with long island ice tea, I won. To often
No. Mother. Fucking. Jello shots. Just no. I'm not falling into that trap again.
I feel like if tampons weren't meant to be microwaved, they'd have a warning on the box, so we should be okay...
If I ever look like I'm about to have a repeat of last night, hit me. Just smack me as hard as you can.
It's like he drunk calls 6 times for me to come over, but can't say hello at lunch.
We broke my graduation cords last night when we used them to tie each other up during sex last night
I vote we just hike, drink, and destroy dick
You wanna come over?
Too high to be booty called. My cereal is growing hair.
Looks like the opera singer hook up is paying off. Ran into the MILF from 407 and she said “your lady friend sounded like a very lucky girl.”
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