I didn't slap you in the face. TEQUILA slapped you with my hand...
We stole some shitttt from king sooper's. fuck yeaaa
what did you steal
frozen pizza, cat litter, and preperation H. not much different than my usual grocery list.
i threw up in over 4 different places last night. it was like a world tour
In Vegas, have spent the last 48 hours wearing a viking helmet and fanny pack. I consider this to be a career high since drinking is my career
We probably shouldn't have forced that guys cat to drink the grey goose while we were doing lines in his bathroom
Sorry I dragged you across a parking lot
You emptied out your taco and asked the lady for a refill...and then you continued to carry out a full conversation SCREAMING
Apparently it is impossible to get kicked out of taco bell....I'll try harder next time
He started using my brother's rc helicopter as a beer delivery device. He's a drunk McGyver.
Also they do not have any come back to america, i miss my fuck buddy cards at Hallmark.
She shit all over my seat. She is not allowed in my car under any circumstances. Not even with drugs. You can't forgive a shit.
I was going to do a cardio thing but then tacos.
I have no inclination to even want to think about what God's existential meltdown is going to be like. O.o
He somehow always manages to get me naked within 5 minutes of being together. It's like fucking witchcraft.
Yeah, I got home from work at like 9:30, and he was passed out on the couch wearing only a tee shirt and The Jurassic Park theme on repeat.
Wait, how many people just saw my dick?
Randomize
