i can't put facebook on my resume under hobbies.
Does my surprise involve the use of a safe word?
Probably.
I'm in.
I just don't understand how my upright asian catholic roommate is getting more than me.
I thought he was kidding when he said pretend to be a dunkin donut delivery women. This is the last time I ever role play.
you woulda been proud of me tonight though. i only made out with 2 guys. and in my defense one of them was to get a job after graduation.
NO YOU'RE NOT. I don't want to hear that SHIT. Jameson appreciation day part 1 is saturday and YOU WILL BE READY.
then he tried to convert me to islam
He said "I wish they sold 40's in bars".. and a business plan came to mind. Maybe I CAN do something with my degree...
Next time we throw a party together I would appreciate it if you didn't try to get my friends to hook up with friends of yours you know have herpes
I feel like fucking him is something we all do but don't want to admit to. like masturbating or peeing in the shower
she was literally 3 feet away from the garbage can, said she couldn't make it, and then proceeded to vomit on the floor in front of everyone in the restaurant
Breathalizer & tazer party did not go as casually as expected.
I'm pretty sure he's playing the harmonica in my shower right now. I just really need to pee.
HOW THE FUCK CAN YOU NOT REMEMBER WHIPPING IT OUT AND PUTTING ON THE BAR?
By the way, you're banned for life.
I guess when the asshole said “I really miss you and want to get back together” he actually meant “I’m banging a Hooters girl behind your back.”
I hope she gives him gonorhea
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