it sounded like he was fisting a can of crisco.
i feel like a thai whore the morning after the navy left.
what do kids with lesbian moms do for father's day? like do you talk about it? is it awkward? do you get the butchy mom a card?
So I got my period. Finally. In related news, I reinstated my belief in God.
i luv seein jocks study. its like watching monkeys masturbate.
i just farted in a meeting....took me completely by surprise.
so you made the shocked face and they caught you.
yup.
Just got a call at work, I have to consent to a random drug and alcohol test by end of business day, if you arranged this it's the best/worst April fools prank ever.
It never makes you rethink your life choices when you're breaking into my apartment at 3 am to take a piss in my kitchen sink?
Hungover. Have to fix everything I've broken. I'm gonna be very late.
i would have fingered myself to death by now but the dog wont stop staring at me
You know, I think I'm going to rock the shit out of this whole mid-twenties thing. Fuck babies and weddings -- I have vodka and young cock.
Sorry for cyberstalking your dad.
I just kept thinking.. Holy shit. We're fucking in my front yard.
There needs to be a greeting card for "I miss having sex and smoking weed with you."
His ass is a ten, but his personality is a two. Which would average to a six if I didn't have to figure in apologizing to all and sundry. In short hard no. Get a new wingman.
Randomize
