i don't care who i fucked last night, until im at 43plus im not considering myself slutty
u ever jackoff with ur legs spread and pretend ur fuckin urself as a girl and get mad u'll never know what that feels like. Or to fly like a bird?
Did u absorb a fraternal twin in the womb?
lady crackhead wearing pjs and a santa hat brushed the snow off my car at 7am saying "free of charge" the whole time
tailgaiting my last final, a perfect sendoff.
My TA just asked me why I was late to class. How do I say because I was having the best orgasm of my life in Arabic?
BAHHAHHAHHAHAHHA SOME ASS IS BIYING NE DRHBKS. DRUBK
you said you wanted to feel how much my penis weighed for educational purposes
I'm stoned and just shared 4 cookies with this chicks dog
They're raisins though so they're healthy. No worries.
BRING THE BAGELS
Happy anniversary, did you sign and mail in the divorce papers yet?
Cant leave im designed bacon maker you come here
He looks like a Mormon from a lifetime movie. Oddly I wanna give him a hand job
She turned off her phone alarm (which was the theme song to Star Wars) and then asked me if I wanted a blow job before she went...of course I am going to see her again.
WHY DOES MY BOYFRIEND'S BROTHER HAVE TO BE SO FUCKING HOT
For someone who claims to be straight, she knows a hell of a lot about bi erasure, and one Hayley Kiyoko song too many
Randomize