my boyfriend just named your boyfriend's penis.
what happens if a cat eats a birth control pill? i mean i don't care about the cat i really just don't want to get pregnant
We pay for beer, you give birth. It's how the world works.
He screamed "Oh boy! Oh boy!" during climax.
So tasty. Tasty like a vagina with ninjas in it
She just drank the vanilla extract. Again. AGAIN. No one should be that eager to get drunk.
someone just laughed at me while i'm laying on the floor waiting for the bus. like they've never been hungover.
Excuse me but the alley way I wanted to fuck in happens to be a very nice clean area.
I don't give a damn about what he wants to do with his life. Personalities are for pussies.
My makeup looks extraordinary for nine tequila shots, running four blocks, falling asleep with my face in the toilet, and doing the walk of shame across campus in the rain. And to think I'm single.
Everyone should know the rule that if your dicks touch during a threeway you just make lightsaber noises and move on.
How many band members does it take to become The Band Slut? I think I might be dangerously close
You went to a drug deal in a onesie.
Met a beautiful Irishman two nights in a row. I may never come back.
He tried to do a JoJo pose and wound up breaking his wrist in the process. Truly a story for the ages.
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