first i yelled "you cant get it up?" and then in the middle of it i opened a Corona
He gave his mom his old phone, and I am SO paranoid
Did you send adult things?
Um. Yes would be the understatement of the year
i just ate an entire onion plain. all alone. i have never felt more single in my life
I'm sorry. I really don't see what's wrong with pregaming before a wine tasting.This champagne won't drink itself.
The wine tasting is just for charity anyways...
She wore that goddamn strap-on all night. When she was playing guitar hero it kept getting in the way but she just wouldn't take it off.
There are lots of gay asians. This is better than i was expecting
Make puking fun. Chug half a monster right before you blow. Throw up foam. Most unique experience ever.
Dropping the entire last roll of TP into the toilet is a hurt you don't want to know.
This reminds me of the time I was given a lap dance by a David Bowie drag king...
It will be like a scavenger hunt.. only we're looking for places to have sex.
and then I partied with my new dealers deaf pit bull. All around a good night I'd say...
how don't worse things happen to you?
All I remember is while we were making out M.A.A.D City came on so I pushed him off of me so I could rap along.
UPDATE: THERE IS ASS EATING. I REPEAT: THERE IS ASS EATING.
This may sound strange but do you have my pants?
You tried to trade them for some girls skirt... So she has them...
And, by “make you dinner” I mean “have lots of sex and multiple orgasms.” So you should probably eat something and before you come over
And hydrate too
Randomize