I just wish we had the ability to download food from our TVs.
I wish my mouth had a period so that could be my excuse on those days I don't feel like giving head
she must of just birthed a child cause her labia touched the floor
3 inches of snow, below zero windchill and i just saw a dude in a wrangler with no doors, shorts a beanie and burton snow goggles. God i love college in colorado
she's on the floor slapping my dogs face with slices of pizza
the man who designed bathrooms to have toilets within easy puking distance from the shower is my hero
booty call hours are between 1:30-3:00 AM thurs-sat with the exception of major drinking holidays and election days. please try again
Just successfully went through airport security with shrooms. It's gonna be a fucking awesome new years
Well sure, my hetero side is thrilled, but my gay side is soooo judging
He lit a candle for the mood and ended up lighting my hair on fire while we were hooking up...moodkiller
I walked out and he was covered in jelly, slithering around the floor. I don't know how to process that.
he took a fucking pitcher of koolaid and vodka to the bath with him... i wake up from my blackout to his roomate screaming cause he spilled it and passed out in the middle of a blood red tub. she thought he killed himself. jesus christ its only the first day of break and i already regret coming home
In case you're wondering... Yes walmart will judge you for buying vodka and pickles at 645am.
Drugs and unwanted pregnancies are the only things that I'm good at. College comes in at a close third.
I learned the hard way a garbage bag will not save you when jumping from a tree at 2am
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