Dude, I totally just put a lit lighter to my hand for 10 seconds
How much beer did you get for it?
One ice cold coors, but those mountains lied
Last night we were drunk and talking about rude things, I mentioned felching and had to explain it to everyone. Everyone was disgusted and asked how I knew about such filth and I told them you told me. Don't get mad. Also a quck heads up, you might get gifts of straws at work,
It would be one hovered percent delicioui
still in the ER. she tried to shotgun a bottle of corona
she walked out and i tried to get her to come back but i couldn't remember her name so i just whistled... future reference: that doesn't work
He SHOWED UP to the party wearing one shoe and a dinosaur hat. He kept lifting up his shirt and asking people to bite his nipple.
Yea he doesn't really know about any of this yet but my game plan is to keep wowing him with my vagina and cooking skills. It's up too future me to handle the rest.
The guy who was The Count on Sesame Street died this week too. Therefore, you should take multiple shots, count them, & go "ahh aaahh aaaahhh" after each one. I expect video...
but we were going camping. it only made sense to bring the 6 ft bong
Get his dick out of your ass and put on some pants we're here
Also, I found this app that is basically a tamagochi from the 90's and now I finally have something to keep me busy at work!
I just spent so much time grooming my landing strip and like, sex isn't even on the agenda tonight.
All my friends are going on vacations with their boyfriends while I’m over here in court trying to get a restraining order against my ex....
Can you face time me. I need to know if this pill is xanex or ecstasy
Will you come get your son? He's using an old bike pump to help him fart the national anthem...
Randomize
