And whoever invented the condom should be put to death.
Rode my bike to work still drunk. Almost threw up on a camper while getting him out of his parents car.
IM A DRUNK BIRTHDAY CLEOPATRA MESS. CELEBRATE THAT BITCH
Oh if we have sex in public no one will frown upon it. They will stand and cheer for it
I'm gonna chug this bud light an might injure this high school penis, like I'm 17 again
Still drunk on my morning "run" which has turned into a walk. Just burped fireball
He didn't get how "starting a flash flood in my thunderhole" was a sexy euphemism. Deal breaker.
YOU CAN'T JUST ADD EVERYONE WHO ENTERS MY VAGINA ON FACEBOOK WTF
I responded with revoking his blow job privileges. Needless to say, he's learned his lesson.
hahahaha classic. this is why you are going to a college with a hospital right next to it
She gave me a collar. When I asked what this was for she replied "I'm taming your dick"
Don't worry about us we're making Mac and cheese
MAC AND CHEESE ABORTED, WE HAD FIRE
I think you threw up on me last night but i can't remember so i'm not mad at you.
Do you remember seeing anyone put a "my other penis is a vagina" bumper sticker on my car?
This is what I get for listening to Christians.
Randomize
