do you know why i have a volvo grill taped to the back of my car?
He called me "the Joe Montana of blowies." Not sure if that is an accomplishment or an insult, but going off of the amount of condensation on the windows of my car, I'm gonna just do a little touchdown dance and pass out.
She asked the class if starwars was based on a true story...
you know that annoying kid in my psych class? accidentally hit him in the face with a door today. perfect end to the semester.
Studying for the exam.. Identifying the portraits using phrases like "large penis"
Out of beer. Salsa pong. Never again.
I tried to say goodbye but you were hugging a trash can and I wasn't sure if you had clothes on
does the girl puking in my garbage belong to you?
Bonus points if the penis has a little hat too
I'm in the freezer. Shit took away any trace of hangover outa my body.
Side note: the physics of a guy my size and age getting laid in the backseat of a Toyota Camry are absolutely staggering
Be happy for me... Or horny... Or be a really good friend and feel what I want you to feel. Jealousy
I am downtown smoking a joint with Woody Harrelson...Because our car won't start. I will be there as soon as I can.
She told me the next morning I stared at her tits for like 15 minutes with binoculars from only a few seats away.
I didnt know whether I was going to vomit or orgasm because I was feeling both sensations
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