you kept screaming that dicks were growing out of your back and then you started crying cause they were so far from your vag
could you get any more awkward?
so I just used the H1N1 mask my mom gave me for college to hold in a bong hit longer... god I love orientation week
According to Glamour magazine, experiencing sexual pleasure helps you live longer. I am dying an early death.
There's a walmart bag of my vomit outside my front door. I just really need someone to appreciate that with me.
Anytime you have a hot, flirty, married woman that wants to ride you like a horse and slap your ass, you've got to do it.
Yeah, but four times?
Im about to have a threesome, Ill pay you twenty bucks to go clean my room. Just throw it all in the closet.
Saw someone get laid in the bathroom no one was wearing shoes and I had a parrot on my shoulder...I never want to leave this bar
That's what you get for dating construction workers you meet in tunnels.
I told this guy in the dining hall that he's a hippie god and he's never made eating yogurt so sexy
Doesn't matter how many times we tell him the kid's a freshman, he keeps repeating "cupcake boy shall be mine" and honestly you need to intervene
Him naked in my bed with a bottle of vodka in one hand, a pipe in the other, and a rose in his mouth.
3 2 1 whiskey
You know I base where I go on the likelihood of me getting laid there. This includes work.
well i can officially check "have sex in a prius" off my bucket list...
These snow days are takeing a toll on my liver
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