I just saw a hobo ride by on a unicycle. Good day.
if i found out she had a dick after i got head, does that still make me gay?
his penis was the training wheels of my sex life
Dude idk, apparently telling two drunk chicks 'that's whats up' after watching them lick eachother's face wasn't the compliment they were looking for. I mean I was fucking hammered.
Wow.
you were drinking a pitcher of what you called "16 loko" and making everybody guess what the secret ingredient was
She was giving me that "well this is awkward since you drunkedly tried to hook up with me" look.
Why was there a 1000 piece puzzle covered in hot sauce being cooked in the microwave?
If it makes you feel any better about life I'm wearing yoga pants with granny panties and toms with socks cause fuck my life
I can't help the fact that i'm turned on by white boys that look like Jesus
things were going awesome until jimmy put out a cigarette in the everclear.
let’s be honest I’d fucking Irish step dance on your grave, asshole
After we finished having phone sex he proceeded to serenade me with Ave Maria. It was magical.
No he can't come. I swear to gods he's "Why We Can't Have Nice Things" given physical form.
Like why am I even still facebook friends with a guy I let finger me at a concert?
He offered me free drinks all night if I could beat him in a drinking race. I blacked out after that but just found his credit card in my bra so there's that.
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