Just found 2 diff. colored pubes in my underwear..new record.
The fact you even thought licking it would fix it boggles my mind
Well it worked
Not the point
She even gives head with a lisp.
I want something that's relevant to him banging her right after I did. Like "runner-up"
Are my feet made of real feet?
I'll come out for a little. I can't be visibly hungover at work again or I get written up and fired. And yes, I am aware of how alcoholic that sounds.
My mom just found my nipple clamps...... oh God why....
I just used bulldog clips for nipple clamps. Also, a wooden spoon as a paddle. DYI Domination or Ghetto Bondage?
My philosophy is thug life and that means never having to say your sorry for stealing drinks off tables
Came home plastered at 8am. Roommate had hot glued all the ashtrays and various items to their surfaces. Couldn't handle it. Went back to the bar.
I don't know if your celebrity crush has ever asked you for nudes, but it's fucking awesome
I asked him to tell me a bedtime story, then threw up on him.
I tried to find an emoji but none convey my excitement for receiving good sex soon
Sorry I told all the other bridesmaids you were an asshole. I had had a few drinks and it's how I felt at the time.
the last thing i heard from her was "i wanna get fucked by a stranger" and i haven't seen her since
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